What's beneath all that Jolly stuff in High school?

So I’m in grade 9 now, and well yes! I’m surrounded by cute, caring high school couples and besties, and partners in crime, and chai buddies and - oh you get the point, right? This all looks jolly and stuff, but really, what’s beneath it all? 

We only like to befriend people who’re funny, nice, cute, sweet and, though we hate to admit this, somewhat pretty and good looking. Have we not heard these phrases before?

‘Well, at least your hair looks good’

‘Lol, puberty’s failed him- look at all those pimples’

‘She cut her flesh, that weirdo- such an attention seeker!’

‘You’re lucky to be anorexic’

‘Well, I’ve got a pretty pair of jeans but they won’t fit you’

‘You’re not - you shouldn’t lose weight’

They may sound like a joke to others and the speaker itself, but it leaves a deep impact on the listener. They either choose to ignore it and move on to see the ‘bright side’ of people’s remarks, or they just get stuck to these comments and think about it day and night, or they are too numb already to give a damn.

I understand that you can’t like everyone, but that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve love. For you ‘Why do you like him- he’s so dumb and ugly!’ sounds like an airy comment, but do you realise how harsh this is? Who says that there’s a particular type of dumb or smart? And who the heck says there’s a type of beauty? Yeah, here’s another comment: ‘Hey, don’t feel bad about your looks - what matters really is your inner beauty’. Or, ‘Never mind, you’re beautiful in your own way'. So sweet, ehhh??? 

I’m not making any of these examples out of thin air; I've heard all of these examples that I've stated above being directed at different people many a times. Stuff like; ‘She doesn’t even deserve him - even (x) looks better than her!’ and ‘he just doesn’t have the body to be that good’. These were said behind my friends’ backs.

What would it have been like if other human species of the genus ‘homo’ had been living with us? We can’t even accept ourselves or the ones around us; what would’ve happened when it came to us accepting and tolerating them? Cases of genocide would’ve been reported every day, then. Sapiens were the cause of other humans getting extinct, but only so we could hurt other sapiens living with us.

Whenever we think of bullying, we only ponder upon cyber and physical bullying. We reckon that taking someone to the corner and laughing and pointing at them is one of the only types of bullying. Or physical or sexual harassment is. We assume that these are the only reasons for a person to be upset. Or losing someone pains a person, nothing else. What about name calling? What about betrayal? Abandonment? Harsh words? Exclusion? Lying? These hurt people too, sometimes to such a great extent that they start believing all of it and either choose to hurt themselves due to self-hate, or they become so numb that hurtful words don’t matter to them - nor do loving words. And then, it’s natural for them to spit back the hurt to someone - irrespective of who it is. Slowly, they start changing. Not their personalities necessarily - but something definitely does. The vibe they let off is totally different. To look happy, the sad ones get all fake to ‘go on with life’. 

For their close ones, this gets real hard to handle. We can’t stand seeing them like this. So then, we tell them that they’ve changed (and that this version is really awkward and makes us nervous), keeping hopes high to see them realise it and get back to normal. But to them, it seems like we’re disappointed with them. 

Here are a few lines from the song you’re somebody else (this is what I personally feel when I see someone close to me changing): Well you look like yourself, But you're somebody else, Only it ain't on the surface, Well you talk like yourself, No, I hear someone else though, Now you're making me nervous.

Finally, this is to all those who think that they’re making the person ‘strong’ by hurting them, just know that that kind of strength is just them ignoring everything, and it’s completely fake; like bones made of plastic. It’s not actual strength, is it? And if you want to hurt them, don’t tell them that suicide is a ‘sin’ and that they shouldn’t take their own lives away - people who respect them can make them stronger way better than you can. 

For those who can’t watch this happen - don’t tell them to start coming out, don’t constantly push them by saying they’ve changed. Give them time - try to understand the problem. If they don’t want you to get involved, don’t. The harsh reality is, you can’t really change anyone. 

And for all those who are hurt - you should know that while some throw their shit at you, you’re not hated by all. And half the time, people only direct their crap at you because they themselves are hurt and effed up. You may not have people at that moment, but you’ll always have yourself if you love and respect yourself. Don’t lose hope on yourself just because someone hurt you. Do not believe them! You’re a lot more than what you’re told you are. Also, people are not the same all over, and they’ve got their own flaws too. In one part of the world, there will be people who’re extremely rude to you while there will be people in another part of the world who’re ready to welcome you with open hearts. Lastly, people won’t hate you forever. Because it’s not only you who changes, they change too. None of us are static. 

Rhea Batra